Humor

Love ... Who needs it?I don't know if this just comes with age or what, but I'm less patient with my relationships, when I should probably be more patient. The first sign of any drama, no matter how sexually starved I happen to be, and I lose her number. Perhaps this makes me unpopular with the ladies. Maybe I'm getting a reputation.MehWhat I am hoping is that by reading my take on the whole mating game, you'll have a better appreciation for whatever predicament you're in, be that anything between marital bliss and been lovin' your fist.Karma Kicked MeSure, I'm bitter sometimes. Aren't you? How many times do you let karma kick you before you become jaded like me, and begin to expect it? So, you're pissed. He dumps you for a skank-hole. Go ahead and be hurt--that's natural. It's an ego slap. As you get older, you'll begin to take these more in stride. Sure, you'll complain about it to a friend, relative, or co-worker, but you'll get over it.Look at this book as my way of getting over it. A collection of irreverent, sarcastic, vulgar, crude, whatever-you-call-it essays containing my odd perception of life, which might actually lower my blood pressure by writing, and generate a giggle or two for the reader.WARNING: F-Word Used Over 160 TimesBefore we go any further, let me warn you that I love to cuss. F-ing love it. You're going to read plenty of bad words, so reading aloud is strongly discouraged, unless you're in church.Also, since I have taken certain liberties with our language, and I am a bit whiny and insensitive, I've decided to enhance this tome with--drum roll, please--recipes!Yay, Recipes!Cheers, my dears.

Story about how taking the appropirate path leads to the appropriate destination. Contains some shit about a new birth control pill, some random weirdo that wants to walk to Iceland, the best drummer in history refusing to play for money, and personal/sexual relations with bitter old hags... all the while talking some bullshit about revolution and abolishing the free market system. Can be quite humorous at times. Also stars a horse, a raccoon, and an anteater. Extreme left-wing Anarchist crap that will probably get you red flagged for reading it.

Welcome to a whimsical world where cats rule with their paw-some antics and hilarious hijinks! In this captivating picture book, prepare to be whisked away on a time-traveling adventure as we discover a secret that cats have kept hidden from us humans for centuries. Brace yourselves, for it's time to witness the feline kingdom taking the spotlight in the grandest moments of history! So, grab your favorite feather toy, curl up in your comfiest spot, and get ready for a purr-fectly hilarious adventure through time with "It's a Cat's World" Meow-some surprises and laughter await on every page as we discover what it would be like if cats imitated humans throughout history.

Grab This Deal For The Comics Artist In Your Life For Less Than $10See that girl always doodling and dreaming up stories and plots? She's gonna LOVE the What Happens Next Comic Book For Budding Artists edition, created especially for young artists between 9 and 14 years of age.Bokkaku Dojinshi has created this book as a 6 by 9 inch, perfect pocket book form. Plenty of different templates to explore as well as loads of room to keep track of plot ideas.There is even space for special expression studies of the main characters so the budding artist hits the right emotion in her images every single time.This book is perfect for: mangagraphic novelsSunday funniesanimefan fictionParents and teachers love What Happens Next Comics series for these reasons: helps speech developmentincreases literacydevelops a sense of sequencecreates confidencedevelops an appreciation for artboots creativityOnce you get this book, notice how handy it is - perfect pocket book size means no bulky bags on summer trips or lazy afternoons under a willow tree. All you need is your pencil and ink pen! Can't wait to see what you make of your And then... comic book!

Q: How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb? A: Och! It's no that dark! 'Scottish Jokes: A Wee Book of Clean Caledonian Chuckles' is a collection of Scots humour with jokes old and new, and some so old that everyone's forgotten about them and will think they're new again! Have fun with this wee book of gentle laughs, with all the usual characters from Scottish funny stories: tight-fisted Highlanders, whisky-loving Glaswegians, pompous Englishmen, confused American tourists, stuck up Edinburghians and pious pillars of the kirk. If you like quick fire Scottish jokes or longer funny stories in the style of Ronnie Corbett's monologues, you'll love this book.

Color your stress away with this funny, entertaining, clean, adult coloring book! Filled with funny and annoying personalities, you won't need to be rude to your problem peers - just color out your feelings! Thirteen funny pictures to make you feel better about yourself!

Just when you thought it was safe to close the door on The Address 79, Part 2 invites you along for a mind blowing ride of a lifetime. This book will capture your imagination in ways you've only seen on TV. Each page will have you gripping the bottom of your seat, reaching frantically for something to hold on to. Sensually, this book takes you on a sexual high with no signs of coming down. Sparking your interest on why they call it the dirty south. The Address 79: Curiously Intrigued will leave you twisted in a ball of emotions. Never have you experienced life so vividly and raw from the contents of a book. Follow Jadorey as he leaps through life on the down low, slowly coming into who he truly is. New experiences and old situations will direct him on a path of self-discovery, making it easy for Jadorey to be caught out there. Each encounter is curiously questionable... but intriguingly good! Peaches ain't the only thing we grow down here in Georgia...

This work has been selected by scholars as being culturally important, and is part of the knowledge base of civilization as we know it.This work is in the "public domain in the United States of America, and possibly other nations. Within the United States, you may freely copy and distribute this work, as no entity (individual or corporate) has a copyright on the body of the work.Scholars believe, and we concur, that this work is important enough to be preserved, reproduced, and made generally available to the public. We appreciate your support of the preservation process, and thank you for being an important part of keeping this knowledge alive and relevant.

Holmes presents a collection of classic sudoku to support the mind in awesome shape. Very hard sudoku, excellent mental workout. KaKuro is a logical numerical puzzle, the mathematical equivalent of a crossword puzzle. In the cells it is necessary to place the numbers from 1 to 9, there are inactive cells (marked in black). In cells with given numerical values, the upper right value indicates the sum of the digits in the row, and the value from the lower left position is equal to the sum of the digits of the column below the cell. For example, the number 6 can be represented as a sum of 2 and 4 or 1 and 5; the same numbers (3 and 3) are not allowed. Sudoku puzzle killer - you need to fill in the empty cells with numbers from 1 to 9, each of the numbers should appear only once in each row and column of the 9x9 square. The sum of all numbers in the cell must match the number printed in the corner. They can be called figurative or geometric, they also have names (Sums Sudoku, Sums Number Place, Samunamupure, Kikagaku Nampure, Sumdoku). 400 unique Sudoku puzzles. + 250 sudokus difficult level that can be downloaded and printed. + 250 maze puzzles that can be downloaded and printed. Only 1 verified solution. All answers are at the end of the book. Exclusive puzzles. Good mind support in excellent form. An excellent book for free time and mind exploration. I hope you enjoy the book. Best regards, Basford Holmes

Teaching in the classroom with various challenges including the instruction of mainstream students, learning challenged students with vanguard students all placed in one teaching environment. Tongue and cheek point of view. Dealing with remedies despite being under contract.

This edition of Scenes and Characters by Charlotte M. Yonge is given by Ashed Phoenix - Million Book Edition

From bestselling Horror author Iain Rob Wright comes a new kind of terror. Being a 1st time father.From learning to change a nappy to dealing with a hormonal wife, nobody ever thinks about how hard things are on the menfolk. Now, for the first time ever, a bestselling author spills the beans on what it's like to be a 1st time father. Learn the unspoken truths of breast feeding from a male perspective. Face the unimaginable dangers of 'the park'. And discover the conspiracy of cone-headed, alien babies invading our world.Filled with relatable anecdotes, questionable advice, and moments of unguarded intimacy, this book is the parenthood guide no parent should rely on, but all will enjoy.

In addition to his books, author Vincent Yanez also spent time writing the occasional political piece for his local newspaper and various websites. By the end of 2012 he found he no longer enjoyed talking about a political system that seemed to be falling apart, mainly due to a group of politicians who gained power by using hate, fear and ignorance as their rally cry. Vince decided that instead of writing about politics, he would instead, make fun of it. This is a collection of those political satire pieces, which made their way around the internet in 2013, along with some cartoons he drew when the words wouldn't come. Vince no longer involves himself much in politics. But he does hope the American people will someday find the courage to their brains rather than fear or ignorance, and give D.C. what it has needed for a while now, a good cleaning out.

Could you use a quick laugh? This humorous collection of quirkiness will have you chuckling in no time.

Dive into the riotous world of 'The Foreign Book of Swear Words' by the ever-playful Immature Book Club. Expand your international naughty vocabulary as this cheeky guide teaches you to curse in over 15 languages, from French to Thai, Russian to Punjabi, and even Nigerian! Each spicy word comes with its pronunciation to ensure you get the tone just right. But a heads up - using these words thoughtlessly with native speakers might land you in a pickle! Or, keep those around you guessing by sprinkling these exotic swears in daily conversations. Warning: We're not responsible for bewildered looks or unintended international incidents. Proceed with mischievous caution!

The frustration of trying to live up to the unreasonable expectations of Santa Claus causes a sensitive boy to snap. When his cries for help go unanswered by dis-functional family, he takes matters into his hands. In the end, his nemesis Santa Claus is out of his life, and all of his dreams come true.

If you like your books with a high picture-to-text ratio (if you know what we mean), then get this miscellaneous mess of cocktails, photo mash-ups, silly factoids, and emotion-laden drinking. In spite of hordes of Visigoths and bar keepers, Mug and Mali crafted this new malodorous hodgepodge. Readers will find the miscellany startling and the cocktails addicting - and vice-versa. "Miscellany Magazine Annual" is impertinent, yet jejune, over-shadowing such lesser works as, "How To Lick Salt" and "Do Trousers Matter?" It's another piece of work that will keep you up nights reading and drinking. Enjoy! What they're saying about Mug & Mali's Miscellany Magazine Annual: "We would love to read this 21st Century Dada book, if we were still around." - Marcel Duchump, Hans Earp, Max Earnest, Man Raygun, Tristen Zzorro, Salvador's Deli. "This is the best book I ever read." - Abraham Lincoln. "Early to rise and early to bed make a man sleepy, stupid, and dead." - Benjamin Franklin. "This book looks like I need a drink." - Rhoda Booke, Loose Change Quarterly. "What a great cure for insomnia!" - Freida People, The Roman Tribune. "In the words of Theodore Sturgeon, '90% of everything is crud, ' and this is no exception." - Ginger Vitas, The Dead Beat. "...most of the time, to see the truly bad takes training, but not here." - Helen Wheels, USA Yesterday. "Even the worst book has an end." - Ira Gurgitate, The Pittsburgh Drifter. "I'd rather be drinking." - Tyrone Shoelaces, The Daily Bungle. "...so indescribably bad that I do not intend to waste anyone's time by describing it." - Segovia Carpet, The Paid Review. "Even poorer than I expected, which is saying something." - Rhoda Mule, KRUD Radio. "If Mug & Mali's aren't America's leading humorists, I can see why." - Isabelle Ringing, The Illiterary Journal.

Revealed at last! The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth regarding the pesky little annoyances - and some big ones, too - that make up the process of Growing Old UNgracefully. Phil Kline tells it from a first hand perspective, reluctantly, humorously, and most ungracefully.

The Absurd Naturalist is a collection of 43 humorous essays and sketches published over a span of more than 30 years, and assembled here for the first time. Included are pieces dealing with tofu hunters, the art of toad throwing, same-species marriage, getting rid of nature, lizard watching, reasons why you shouldn't garden, how to sell belly buttons, the right to bear arms, and the origin of toaster ovens, to name only a few. A unique cross-genre book, it will appeal to readers of natural history, the environment, and gardening as well as those general readers seeking an entertaining blend of science, satire, and absurdity.

Life is a series of disappointments, dotted by occasional lowness, followed up with a tender apostrophe of false hope. Sometimes there is rapture. This is usually accompanied by cake. This is a book about Fibromyalgia, PCOS, abuse, bad weather, and wayward mailmen. It is also about doctors, role-playing games, conventions, public coughing, and glorious metal music. A continuation about my war with the world, highlighting my trials with chronic pain, adamant clergymen, and neighbourhood nuisances.

This book is a celebration of puns, jokes, and humor that only Dads, and Dads-in-Training, can appreciate. From short and funny zingers to longer stories that will have your audience groaning with laughter, this book has everything you need to tell awfully funny jokes.If you're a Dad, you will love it. If you're a child, you will grow wiser and more wonderful in your father's eyes with each terrible but hilarious joke you tell him. Do yourself a favor, get this book and become the life of the party, an instant wit, and possibly your father's favorite child.

Imagine picking up a book and reading the words inside, and as you read those words a picture forms in your head. Now imagine that picture represents the scenarios and circumstances described in this book. Now open your eyes and behold: you are holding the very book you just imagined. Also, this book is a great conversation starter. For example, say you are at a party and most of the guests are avoiding eye contact with you, and they keep muttering to one another that they really wish you would put on some pants; wouldn't it be great to be able to pull out a book, walk confidently up to a stranger and say, "I bet you didn't think I knew how to read!" Congratulations - you just started and ended a conversation as a winner.Above all else, this book will give you the means to own this book. When your friends, neighbors and spouses question whether or not you own this book, owning this book will be the final word on whether or not you own this book. Stop just being a person! Start being a person who owns this book!

'Everybody Loves Cricket' is a fun view of the game of Cricket. It is written in this hilarious way to document the history of cricket. ELC captures the full essence of the cricketing world from the crowd's reactions at the game, the anticipation of the batsman as he prepares to bat, and the many positions on the cricket field. Written in poetic Limerick style, it masterfully intertwines the contribution of the cricketing greats and their feats, their humble beginnings, introduces cricketers from across continents without over-embellishing their contribution. It uses the many positions on the cricket field to introduce the historical satire to you, the audience.

Mug & Mali have combed the ancient tomes and come up with Ye Olde Time Booke of Conundrums, Riddles, and Puzzles. Like other wonderful books in their series, they garnished these timeworn enigmas with lavish illustrations, many of which are worthy of the name Dada. Other books in Mug & Mali's Classics Illustrated series include: Finnegans Wake, The Importance of Being Earnest, Works of Edgar Allen Poe, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Aesop's Fables, The Brothers' Grimm Fairy Tales, The Devil's Dictionary, Right Ho Jeeves, and Dante's Divine Comedy: Inferno. If you like your books sophomoric with a high picture-to-text ratio (if you know what we mean), then get this miscellaneous hodge-podge. It's a real piece of work that will keep you up nights reading and drinking. Enjoy! Here's what other Dadaists and Surrealists are saying about the New Century Dada Press Ye Olde Time Booke of Conundrums, Riddles, and Puzzles, Illustrated: "Art is like a shipwreck; it's every man for himself." - Marcel Duchamp. "Every page should explode, either because of its staggering absurdity, the enthusiasm of its principles, or its typography." - Tristan Tzara, Manifesti del dadaismo. "The art of Mug and Mali is a ribbon around a bomb." - Andre Breton. "Nothing is more pleasant than to baffle people." - Tristan Tzara, The Dada Manifestos & Lampisteries. "Art has the lovely habit of ruining all artistic theories." - Marcel Duchamp. "...in principle I am against manifestos, as I am against principles." - Tristan Tzara. "The decline of the aperitif may well be one of the most depressing phenomena of our time." - Luis Bunuel. "... bad art is still art in the same way that a bad emotion is still an emotion." - Marcel Duchamp. "I have been accused of being a joker. But the most successful art to me involves humor." - Man Ray. "If Mug and Mali aren't America's leading humorists, I can see why." - Marcel Duchump. "I drank to drown my sorrows, but the damned things learned how to swim." - Frida Kahlo. "This is the best book I ever read." - Abraham Lincoln. "I thought to discourage aesthetics... I threw the bottlerack and the urinal in their faces and now they admire them for their aesthetic beauty." - Marcel Duchamp. "...art is a mirage. A mirage, just like the oasis that appears in the desert. It is very beautiful, until the moment when you die of thirst..." - Marcel Duchamp. "So many pictures, so little art." - Amelia Barfup. "I don't understand the flow of the story." - Salvadore's Deli. "All critics should be assassinated." - Man Ray. "This book looks like I need a drink." - Luis Bunuel. "I can't imagine how they will make it into a video game." - Curt Reply. "Dada is a state of mind. - Andre Breton. "Art is dead. Long live Dada." - Walter Serner.

Ever wonder about crocodiles with crystal teeth? How to get more nookie? Cursed Christmas trees? Zombies?A Little Bit Sideways is a collection of humorous essays. From human nature, crazy foods, weird history, romance, and so much more, this book is full of entertaining facts you didn't know you wanted, delivered in fun.Author Victoria Landis chose from a decade of humor columns and essays to compile this book."Imagine a combination of Lewis Black and Lewis Grizzard with a dash of Frank Cerabino, add a female perspective on life, love, and what you really need to hear. That is A Little Bit Sideways. Victoria Landis tells it like it is in a hilariously honest way." - Charles Todd - Mary Higgins Clark and Barry Award Winner"Inquiring minds want to know about Viagra potatoes, mincemeat-eating crocodiles, and the coming zombie apocalypse. In her new book, Victoria Landis turns her rambunctious sense of humor loose on an unsuspecting public with her achingly funny observations about the end of the world or an alien saucer crash. And who is the mysterious Dr. Vegetables? The future President Taylor Swift may have the answers. Clear your mind and order the book whether you're upright or sideways." - Dana J. Summers, Award-Winning Editorial Cartoonist for Tribune Media/The Orlando Sentinel"Love this! Like having a great conversation with a treasured friend - Victoria Landis is hilarious, wise, and brimming with insight. You'll smile from the first word - and these wonderfully observant and witty essays prove Landis is a terrific new voice in humor." - Hank Phillippi Ryan, Agatha, Anthony, and Mary Higgins Clark Award-Winning Author"Victoria Landis is the Erma Bombeck of our times. I've never laughed so hard while learning so much. Do you miss Seinfeld, the show about nothing? Well, this book's for you. Landis's collection has hilarious (and informative) articles about life, the world, and everything in it. Once you start reading, you won't be able to stop." - Vincent H. O'Neil - St. Martin's Malice Domestic Competition Winner and Author of the Frank Cole Mysteries and The Sim Wars series"Don't try to see inside her head - it might blind you . . . Just enjoy her humor . . ." - Randy Rawls - Author of the Ace Edwards PI and the Beth Bowman PI series"Victoria Landis had me from the moment I finished the last page of her wildly funny novel, 'Alias: Mitzi & Mack', and after reading her hilarious new collection of humor essays, I've never been happier about 'being had' again." - John Hartnett - Humor Blogger, TV Writer, and Stand Up comedian"A little bit sideways, upside down, inside out, and bass ackwards - Victoria Landis will have you rolling on the floor laughing. . ."- Miriam Auerbach - Author of the Dirty Harriet Mysteries."Landis looks at life through a prism of humor - a skill in short supply these days. . ." - Deborah Sharp, Author of the Mace Bauer Mysteries

The Return of Jonathan's Brainy Birds is a Spot the Differences Book. The content of the book includes thirty seven pairs of matching illustrations. Each illustration shows a cartoon bird or group of birds engaged in some activity such as dancing, playing ball or flying. A humorous caption accompanies each illustration. The humor consists of word play, such as puns and alliteration. In addition, there are five differences between each pair of illustrations. The reader is encouraged to spot the differences. Pages with solutions follow each pair. Solutions consist of pictures with the differences circled. Books of this type are popular with children between the ages of seven and eleven years old. In addition, readers in this age range may find the cartoon characters in this book appealing.

Exactly why is baseball the Doc Brown of the sports world, yet also the coolest member of the harem? And when is it not considered politically correct to call the Detroit Lions the real turkeys of Thanksgiving? Help, My Horse is Drowning! is a uniquely humorous look at the world of sports and how it impacts us, told through the eyes of an enthusiastically delusional athlete and a "normal-challenged" fanatic. From the schoolyards on the north side of Dublin City to the redwood parks and sports bars of Northern California, Ray Hamill takes us on a sports journey that spans a lifetime, capturing the essence of why we love it all as much as we do and why we all go a little nuts when it comes to sports. This book covers a wide gamut of stories, offering an intriguing insight into the history and evolution of many of the sports we love, and more than a few observations on the lovely madness of it all. Stories such as when the most legendary soccer team of all-time walked through the front door of his father's store one unsuspecting afternoon, or the night Smokin' Joe Frazier came to Hopland and showed a side of himself not widely known. Stories that explain why stoners and disc golf were made for each, why the sports of ice hockey and hurling are closer in nature than you might think, and how chasing nine pounds of cheese down a steep hill can land you in hospital, or worse still, how watching some idiot chase nine pounds of cheese down a steep hill can land you in hospital. Discover how "splashiming" is an art form all on its own, why golf boxing might just be the next great sport, and how swearing out loud can get you sent off in rugby, but is really just an emoji for people who still like to talk. A series of anecdotes and observations from a lifetime association with the world of sports, Help, My Horse is Drowning! doesn't so much ask the question why we care about it all as much as we do, but rather what the hell are we thinking when we do?

"Lobo's Screwball Cocktails & Potty Poetry: " At last a book has been published that digs into screwball cocktail matters without fear or beating around the bush. This startling book, by Mug & Mali, a successful miscellaneous couple, contains just the information you want. You will be amazed at its frankness. Words are not minced. "Polite" phrases are forgotten--the right word is used in the right place. "Lobo's Screwball Cocktails & Potty Poetry" includes 369 new nasty cocktail recipes, 23 original twisted cocktail poems, 120 fresh factoids, 106 ancient conundrums, 11 phobias, odd types of therapy, the International Urination Olympics, fool's errands, abnormal weekend adventures, cloddish ways we are wasting our time, excerpts from "Mug & Mali's Illustrated Classics," unseen scenes from butt-muscle beach, and other desperate measures. Here's what they're saying about "Lobo's Screwball Cocktails & Potty Poetry: " "This is the best book I ever read." - Abraham Lincoln, Civil War Correspondence. "I don't understand the flow of the story" - Mandy Lifeboats, The Chicago Chugger. "I can't imagine how they will make it into a video game." - Maida Pass, The Gummy Gamer. "The decline of the aperitif may well be one of the most depressing phenomena of our time." - Luis Bunuel. "We would love to read this 21st Century Dada book, if we were still around." - Marcel Duchump, Hans Earp, Max Earnest, Man Raygun, Tristen Zzorro, Salvador's Deli. "Picking up a Miscellany is like punching your day in the face." - Randy Udderway, The Hourly World News. "Where do we get our money back?" - Segovia Carpet, The Paid Review. "I'd rather be drinking." - Will U. Shaddup, The Quarterly Bungle. "So many pictures, so little art." - Amelia Barfup, The Hourly World News. "Early to rise and early to bed make a man sleepy, stupid, and dead." - Benjamin Frankly, Poor Richard's Arse. "They laid him brawdawn alanglast bed. With a bockalips of finisky fore his feet... Tee the tootal of the fluid hang the twoddle of the fuddled, O!" - James Joyce, Finnegans Wakeup Call. "If Mug & Mali's aren't America's leading humorists, I can see why." - Vito Powers, The Illiterary Journal.