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Why does marriage coaching work? When couples marry, each person (teammate) brings an individual playbook with them from their life experiences. This playbook includes how to communicate, handle anger, respond to conflict, and other interpersonal skills. Any team will have problems if they do not operate from a common playbook and marriage teams are no exception. In Rick and Jane Learn to Listen and Talk, The First Step to Intimacy by Al and Autumn Ray, a young couple, Rick and Jane, seek help from marriage coaches, Sam and Sally, to invigorate and heal their marriage. As the story progresses, Sam and Sally help the couple learn and practice new skills to create a common playbook for their marriage team. "Marriage is like a team," say the authors, "and like all teams, it functions best when the players are skilled and operate from the same playbook." The Rays, married in 1970, are co-founders of MarriageTeam, a non-profit that trains marriage coaches and matches couples with coaches. MarriageTeam has achieved numerous successes with this unique coaching process. The first in their Learn to be Married for Rick and Jane series, this wise little book is meant to help you learn the skills you need, right along with Rick and Jane. Conversationally written and easy to use, it can strengthen your marriage and lead to the winning marriage of your dreams.
This book addresses a pressing need in the church to strengthen and save marriages. When marriages fail, families are divided. This creates emotional, economic, and social havoc as each partner, their extended families and the church try to cope with the death of the marriage. Pastors are placed in the extremely difficult position of trying to restore the marriage and save the family, often with limited resources and training. During a pastors' forum about marriage ministry, one pastor described marriage counseling as a black hole sucking his time and energy away from other members of the church and other duties. Another lamented that by the time a couple sought help, the relationship was broken beyond repair. Dr. Steve Stephens, a Christian psychologist, counselor, and author of more than 28 books on marriage and family, concurs and has identified several issues associated with pastoral counseling that can be addressed by referring couples to outside help. Amazingly, MarriageTeam coaching has proven to be extremely effective in addressing many marital issues by mobilizing the church body to serve thereby multiplying the effectiveness of the pastoral staff. Its success is based on a combination of teaching effective relationship skills and facilitating the application of those skills to create empathetic understanding and mutual agreements on how to work together in the marriage. As couples meet with highly trained coaches in a compassionate, supportive environment, learn effective relationship skills and practice those skills over a period of time, lasting, life change is the result. Dr. Stephens concurs and notes that 60-70% of the couples would not need to see him if they participated in the MarriageTeam coaching program.
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