Bøger af Christopher D Schmitz

This quadrilogy omnibus 4-pack collection of 4 collected books in the series collects the collection in one handy collection in the most non redundantly repetitious way. 50 Shades of Worf is the first 4 book collection of the Division of Nerd Crime comedy series following Detectives Diego and Farnsworth, and their band of merry misfits, as they solve the nerdiest crimes, like: Who's trying to kill WIl Wheaton at comic-con? What smells so bad at the renaissance faire? Why is the mob after the secret blend of herbs and spices? And who's been peeing on Santa's lap? This book collects 50 Shades of Worf, Darker Ages, Fried Ch!cken, and The Holiday Special in one set.

Detective Rick Diego, just wants one thing for the holidays: a functional restroom. Instead, he discovers the true meaning of Christmas... Aliens. Farnsworth still believes in Santa Claus, and he absolutely insists on sitting on the fat man's lap to get that sweet sweet candy cane. But when jolly old Saint Nick does a no show, it's up to the Division of Nerd Crime to save the day-and hopefully they can do it without peeing their pants... or each others.

Book 1: When a ranger finds himself at the center of national conflict, a scheming arch-mage sends his private kill squad of powerful acolytes to collect the heads of Rashnir and his friends. How long can the band of outcasts survive the bloody assassination attempts? One truth still exists: fire and judgment are coming. Book 2: Rashnir and his friends look for ways to escape from Grinden; the demonic prophet Absinthium crowns the warlord Rutheir as King. When travel plans suddenly go awry and they wait for the return of one of the First Elves, the ranger and his friends are trapped at the center of an old quarry and facing the unified armies of their enemies. Book 3: Following the battle of Grinden Quarry, the rebels split up and flee Jand in order to evade The Order who has demanded the heretic rogues' lives... but at every turn some new evil arises: vampires, bounty hunters, and technomancers. The Watcher finally arrives and reveals that not all evil is as easily identified.

Murder and mayhem across the multi-verse... and only Claire can stand against it. Too bad she's losing her mind. Claire can barely keep her fracturing psyche together when an old nemesis reaches out from beyond the grave. As an ancient prophesy comes to pass, Claire and her allies are locked out of the dimensional gates and trapped on Earth-and this time they can't get back. With their home in flames, the only way to take it back is to seek aid from the most unlikely of sources: the heptobscurantum scientists who once kidnapped Claire's father. Enemies who have plans of their own. If they can't work together, the psychotic, possessed magi attempting to breach the sacred vaults and steal the Tesseract will eventually succeed. And if the inner sanctum is breached, all will be lost! Can Claire and her friends return home in time to prevent the total annihilation of the realm. This threat might prove more than they can handle-but this time, victory comes at a high cost, one that must be paid in blood. A great match for fans of Cassandra Clare, Sarah J. Maas, Holly Black, or Stephanie Meyer.Click Buy Now and get the exciting series conclusion!

Data, research, and stories about American pastoral decline.Moments after our pastor exited the building that afternoon in 2008, most of the congregation sat in shock. A tiny-but powerful minority wore victorious smiles, at the ministers ousting. The lady to my left wept. Her question kept me awake all night. "Why did our pastor have to leave?" I wanted answers, and began researching the problems ministers face; this book is filled with those discoveries. Nine of ten ministers know three or more peers who've been forced out of pastoral positions; a third of all pastors serve congregations who either fired the previous minister or actively forced their resignation; and at any given time, 75% of pastors in America want to quit. American church decline has reached epidemic proportions and in the last century, church influence has waned nearly 60%. Pastoral attrition is either an indicator of that problem or a central part of it. Why Your Pastor Left presents detailed statistics and identifies the top ten "Ministry Killers" that cause pastoral stress and eventual "burnout."

Peace has returned to the multiverse.Or has it? Although Claire channels the Prime spirit as the heir to the Architect King, She finds herself uncomfortable with the throne and crown. Luckily she has a corps of companions to surround her, but when a traitor forms a dark pact with the trickster demigod Akko Soggathoth, malevolent forces again destabilize reality. If Claire and her friends cannot stop a resurgent cult's foul rituals, the ravenous nega-god Sh'logath may yet find entry into our world--but journeying through the Darque dimension to stop him might cost Claire her very mind. Dangerous encounters lurk on the threshold: An ancient evil older than the Sh'logath cult.A trickster demi-god.And a dose of insanity. From the haunted "Island of the Dolls" to the Hoia Baciu forest, you'll be afraid to stop reading. Get this explosive, mind-bending sequel today!

The mysterious Watcher finally arrives as a harbinger of terrible news. He sends Rashnir and Zeh-Ahbe' on a suicide mission in order to save their friends. Despite the Luciferian Deathsquads, bounty hunters, and a secretly excavated monolith unearthed by Lilth's Wendigo, the ranger and lycan charge headlong into the mouth of danger: the arch-mage's home at the Temple of Light.Before they can succeed, the Watcher shows his true colors and trades secret information in exchange for an item locked away in a demon overlord's stronghold. They must retrieve a simple silver key that resides in the Dark Lord's throne room.Getting into the castle is doable-but getting out alive may be another matter entirely!

With Claire's father still missing, cultists have unleashed Hell on earth! Something from beyond the Tesseract now threatens everything Claire has worked and bled for. There is a traitor in her midst-someone who has unleashed a trickster demigod. And her werewolf protector and his magical Stone Glaive can do little against an enemy who can blink in and out of existence. There's only one way to stop Akko Soggathoth, herald of the apocalypse, and it involves traveling the Darque dimension. If they cannot collect the haunted artifacts first, the fiend will awaken his eldritch siblings... and rip open the Nether Gate, exposing the multiverse to terrors beyond our imagining! A great match for fans of Cassandra Clare, Sarah J. Maas, Holly Black, or Stephanie Meyer.Scroll up and 1-Click to get it now! This new edition contains new, additional content and was originally published under the title The Darque Gates of Koth.

Dekker Knight has a secret past. Vivian "Vesuvius" Briggs has a sword and a chip on her shoulder. Together they run one of the better-known teams of "Investigators," a crew of sanctioned space mercenaries known as the Dozen. The Dozen fight to keep their debts settled, fuel in their ship, and some equilibrance to their moral ledger. They are more than mercenaries: they are part of a family they've chosen.Between a corrupt government, and forces in league with the notorious villain, Prognon Austicon, threats squeeze them from every side. Dekker and Austicon have a vendetta. Vivian's family and Austicon have a history. Austicon has powerful friends and a superweapon. With the fate of the universe hanging in the balance, can the Dozen swing the pendulum back?High action Space Opera: Gunslingers, psychics, ninjas, and pirates in space.If you liked Firefly or Cowboy Bebop, this books is for you.Omnibus 1 Includes: The Armageddon Seeds, The Last Watchmen, Austicon's LockboxBuy the whole collection in one monster paperback!

Anthologies No.1 is the first collection of short stories and novelettes by Christopher D. Schmitz. It features ten stories ranging the gamut from mid-century crime to horror and science-fiction to high fantasy. The collected stories include eight previously published works and two new short stories.The contents include: Shadows of a SuperheroPan, the PirateLove in FalloutThe Last Black Eye of Antigo ValeBurning the God of ThunderPiano of the DamnedFather of the Esurient ChildDekker's Dozen: A Waxing Arbolean MoonA Modern ChurchThe Shaggy Ma

Nine more short stories from speculative fiction author Christopher D. Schmitz.Grimace at Ned and Haroldina's awkward texting romance and spelinng skillss. Don't mess with the elderly in Grandma Ethel's Donuts and Hollow Points. Travel back into space with another Dekker's Dozen story: Weeds of Eden. See why poisoning your neighbors' dog makes you a special kind of monster in Samson and the Icicle. What happens when an independent author gets flamed by a one-star review-leaving troll and sets up a reverse-Misery kind of scenario?These stories, plus nuclear-powered crime fighting, Death serving Slurpees at a 7-11, a 2-part trilogy satire, and more, inside!www.AuthorChristopherDSchmitz.com

Book 2 in the exciting mythopoeic Christian fantasy series: The Kakos Realm.As Rashnir and his friends look for way to escape from Grinden, the demonic prophet Absinthium crowns the warlord Rutheir as King and ratchets up pressure against his enemies. When their travel plans suddenly go awry as they wait for the return of one of the First Elves, the ranger and all of his friends find themselves trapped at the center of an old quarry and facing the unified armies of their enemies--even an army of the dead.Meanwhile, acolytes of the Order unlock the mystic fetters binding an ancient evil that once very nearly toppled even the Gathering: the Dragon Impervious--a monstrous reptile with nearly invulnerable hide. With goblins below and a dragon above, Rashnir and the faithful adherents need a miracle now more than ever.

In a fallen realm created by Satan, a ranger mad with grief, scheming goblins, and a warlord king are all pawns of the arch-mage.When Rashnir, the leader of the Ranger's guild, loses his fiance, he finds a new cause, one that ultimately makes him an outcast from society as he befriends an outcast werewolf clan which cannot shape-shift, a pair of angels, and a mute orphan. However, his mission spurns the demon-worshipping arch-mage prophet and his deadly acolytes. With the ranger and his friends at the center of national conflict, the mage unleashes his kill squad led by his Wyvern Rider to collect the heads of Rashnir and his friends. How long can the growing band of outcasts survive temptations and bloody assassination attempts? What is the significance of Tartarus, and how did Kelsa reach out from beyond the grave unless other, unknown players are playing secretive hands from the dark? ***The Kakos Realm is a place of mythology and magic, governed by dark and evil powers. Cut off from the Earth realm, one man is sent through: a messenger sent to rescue a lost tribe trapped here since ancient days. But this world grows ever more dangerous: cosmic forces work to upheave this reality; but even the mysterious Watcher can barely remember the prophesy of coming ash and flame.Now, the messenger and his small band of followers must survive the machinations of the dark prophet Absinthium and his deadly acolyte assassins. As a new power shatters the old ways, adherents to the Luciferian Order forge even darker alliances in efforts to eradicate this one inescapable truth: fire and judgment are coming.

"Is that a fried chicken leg in your pocket or are you happy to see me?" Farnsworth and Diego must complete their most difficult undercover mission yet: infiltrating the Alabama Mafia. Not only does the mob want General Saunder's secret blend of herbs and spices, but they're willing to fry anybody who gets in their way... after rolling them in breadcrumbs and their proprietary blend of seasonings... even their new celebrity spokesman. There's only one thing for the Division of Nerd Crime to do... bust out the hair nets and get fast food jobs. This book is finger licking good. Go ahead. Order it now with a side of fries.

Following the Intergalactic Singularity War, Dekker Knight, mercenary and collector of arcane artifacts, works for the highest bidder-but he doesn't take just any job. One in particular, transporting Austicon, the assassin who stalked his family for generations to a max-lock detention, was supposed to close a dark chapter of Dekker's life.After the constables botched Austicon's incarceration, Dekker's team is forced to hunt down the galaxies' most heinous criminal all over again when a mysterious man claiming to be an ancient, time-traveling prophet intrudes on them. Ezekiel claims Dekker will soon annihilate all reality-and he knows all of Dekker's secrets: that he wields an ancient, celestial weapon, was once married to a terrorist, and is the last member of the Watchmen-an ancient secret society with roots tracing back to Solomon. Following Austicon's theft of a superweapon, Dekker and his team must do the unthinkable to prevent the Earth's annihilation. Worse yet, a demon-possessed tree is attempting to bring "the divine engines of reality" to a grinding halt-destroying all of existence with the death of the planet-annihilating all that is, will be, and ever was! Steampunk time-travel, cyborg ninjas, deep space unicorn zombies, ghostly rocket-ships, and star destroying Hassidic super-weapons converge in one epic story! How long can The Dozen escape death? How far can Dekker go in defiance of fate and pursuit of love before his actions break the universe?

Elves. Dwarves. Blood Oaths & Dragons.There are far worse things crawling upon Esfah than goblins......some, even swords and sorcery cannot defeat.A devious elder monster allies with the lava elves of the Obsidian Grotto. She promises to provide an elven general with arcane weapons to throw down their dwarven enemies, and also the support of a black magic wielding cult hidden within the Nhur-Gale Forest. General Shedakor assumes that any bargain with such a dark creature would extract a high cost... but can he afford to pay it?Meanwhile, on the far side of Esfah. An elven hero from the northern coasts embarks on a mission to protect his home from the goblins of Brackishomme swamp. But Davian Whisperwynd is prone to rash vows and the gods will not release the adventurer from a promise to lay down his sword: an oath that complicates things when he promises a beautiful enchanter that he will retrieve an item from the lair of the Death god himself.Neither knows it, but the gods of fate have interlinked their destinies.In the mid 1990s there was one fantasy RPG that ruled them all: D&D, of which Dragonlance, Forgotten Realms, and many other books and gaming worlds were a part of. It's publisher, TSR, created another gaming world that won Game of the Year in 1995. That world was Esfah.In eons past, when time was young and creation malleable, the four powers of Nature - earth, air, fire, and water - the children of Nature, gods in their own rights, brought forth two races of beings to care for their fledgling world of Esfah, created by the all-father, Tarvenehl. One race, the Selumari or coral elves, was created to husband the fluid forces of air and water. The other race, the Vagha, a dwarvish race, embodied the stability of earth and the tempering power of fire. Together, these two peoples worked to nurture their infant world into something glorious and beautiful... but then another god revealed himself: Death...

You wrote a book and need help breaking in? Need to know more about Indie and Traditional publishing models? Want a guided process to getting your book in print? This is the book for you!-------This book will show you how to get your manuscript independently published at zero cost, provided you can do the hard work required--you can be as successful as you want to be.This book cover topics such us: -Step by step road-map to getting in print-How to get your book into Audible-How to spot predatory publishers/services-How to format your interior copy-Where to get free art for covers-How to get carried on bookstore shelves-Wasteful practices to avoid-Guide to meeting professional standards-How to create eBook & paperback coupons-The importance of reviews-Best practices for self-editing-And so much more...The Indie world is a jungle and there are few well-beaten paths-and unlike you'd expect, even some of those well-beaten paths end in spike pits, too. If you want to navigate it safely, you might find a guide... like this book.This is a practical book with step-by-step advice to guide any writer through becoming an Indie author. It also covers some of the "why" aspects and peeks beneath the scenes showing failures, successes, inside information, and encouragement for the ultimate do-it-yourselfer."I'm writing a novel... what are the steps?""My masterpiece is finished-where do I go now?""My fantasy series doesn't fit in with any mainstream publisher-how do I self-publish and do it right?"These are the sorts of questions we answer, and more!

Detective Rick Diego, just wants one thing for the holidays: a functional restroom. Instead, he discovers the true meaning of Christmas... Aliens.Farnsworth still believes in Santa Claus, and he absolutely insists on sitting on the fat man's lap to get that sweet sweet candy cane.But when jolly old Saint Nick does a no show, it's up to the Division of Nerd Crime to save the day-and hopefully they can do it without peeing their pants... or each others.

A hidden treasure waits for the children of two heroes,A reluctant prince living in his father''s shadow,And a horde of undead gathering in frozen wastes...Coryn sa''Geril, daughter of the famed hero of Balgavar Reaches, is best friends with Ra''al, a monstrous creature of the frozen north. Ra''al happens to be the son of another champion-a king who died to save the Kafnysan Mountains decades ago. Together, they travel to Tulgesh in hopes of enlisting aid from the selumari, the blue elves, fearing that the worst has happened: the undead have been moving unchecked in the tundra for centuries...   ...although the random animated skeleton or zombie is often spotted wandering aimlessly across the frozen tundras of the Shadowlands, something has changed. Something appears to be mobilizing them. Some new force guides the dead and bends them to its sinister purpose! If they hope to combat it, Coryn feels she must undo the actions her father took decades ago to save their people from the vicious lava elves of Mount Uruzak.  Can Coryn find the hidden cache of magestorm weapons her father buried a generation ago and stop the looming threat in the north? Even if she can find them, who can she and Ra''al trust? A game of shadows plays out as the storm unfolds around them!

Dwarves, elves, & goblins collide......Esfah is another world originally from the creators of Forgotten Realms and Dragonlance.Here there be dragons!When a reluctant Dwarven adventurer undertakes a quest on behalf of his blind father, he accidentally awakens an ancient evil banished ages ago. Now, with dark elves and goblinoid trogs snapping at his heels, Hy''Targ must prevent a powerful lich from reuniting with the ancient bones of his lover. Failure means a new age of darkness will spread across the land.Prince Hy''Targ of the Irontooth vagha would much rather stay in the library and read about the exploits of others. In his studies, however, he uncovers the tale of a powerful artifact he believes could restore his father''s sight. On his quest, he accidentally triggers a trap that releases an ancient undead general that was long ago sealed away to prevent him from beginning a planet-wide uprising of the dead. Hy''Targ knows that this fiend must be destroyed before he can regain his full strength, and he knows where the lich has escaped to.Journeying towards the creature''s dark tower, he enlists the help of the few souls who believe him, one of whom is an imprisoned thief that must first be freed... a thief who is linked to their problems more closely than they realize. He stole the sacred bones the lich is after and undead scouts pursue his every move. Can this band of unlikely heroes prevent a second rise of the Black Tower?

A devious elder monster allies with the lava elves of the Obsidian Grotto. She promises to provide an elven general with arcane weapons to throw down their dwarven enemies, and also the support of a black magic wielding cult hidden within the Nhur-Gale Forest. General Shedakor assumes that any bargain with such a dark creature would extract a high cost... but can he afford to pay it?Meanwhile, on the far side of Esfah. An elven hero from the northern coasts embarks on a mission to protect his home from the goblins of Brackishomme swamp. But Davian Whisperwynd is prone to rash vows and the gods will not release the adventurer from a promise to lay down his sword: an oath that complicates things when he promises a beautiful enchanter that he will retrieve an item from the lair of the Death god himself.Neither knows it, but the gods of fate have interlinked their destinies.In the mid 1990s there was one fantasy RPG that ruled them all: D&D, of which Dragonlance, Forgotten Realms, and many other books and gaming worlds were a part of. It''s publisher, TSR, created another gaming world that won Game of the Year in 1995. That world was Esfah.In eons past, when time was young and creation malleable, the four powers of Nature - earth, air, fire, and water - the children of Nature, gods in their own rights, brought forth two races of beings to care for their fledgling world of Esfah, created by the all-father, Tarvenehl. One race, the Selumari or coral elves, was created to husband the fluid forces of air and water. The other race, the Vagha, a dwarvish race, embodied the stability of earth and the tempering power of fire. Together, these two peoples worked to nurture their infant world into something glorious and beautiful... but then another god revealed himself: Death...

During an operation gone wrong, an alien spy steals a seemingly insignificant item: a seed of immense power, believed by some to have come from the Garden of Eden itself. It had already been secretly responsible for leaps and bounds in scientific research. Now in the hands of enemy agents, it could wreak unspeakable evil across the galaxy.The Dozen are fighting to keep their debts settled, fuel in their ship, and some equilibrance to their moral ledger. They are more than mercenaries: they are part of a family they've chosen-and this seed threatens to tear it apart.Between a corrupt government, and forces in league with the notorious villain, Prognon Austicon, threats squeeze them from every side. Dekker and Austicon have a vendetta. Vivian's family and Austicon have a history. Austicon has powerful friends and a superweapon. With the fate of the universe hanging in the balance, can the Dozen swing the pendulum back?Gunslingers, psychics, ninjas, and pirates in space. Witness the birth of Armageddon. Dekker's Dozen is an explosive space opera that veers towards arcane-punk.

Three years after a sorcerer's failed attempt to awaken an ancient evil, Claire Jones channels the Prime spirit and has become the rightful heir to the throne of the Architect King. Peace seems to have returned to the multiverse, but when a traitor forms a dark pact with the trickster demigod Akko Soggathoth, malevolent forces again destabilize reality. If Claire and her friends cannot stop a new cult's foul rituals, the ravenous nega-god may yet find entry into our world-but journeying through the Darque dimension to stop it might cost Claire her very mind.