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A weird-as-hell gangster story set in a world where people drive giant mechanical dinosaurs instead of cars. Her name is Psycho June Howard, aka Armadillo Fists, a woman who replaced both of her hands with living armadillos. She was once the most bloodthirsty fighter in the world of illegal underground boxing. But now she is on the run from a group of psychotic gangsters who believe she's responsible for the death of their boss. With the help of a stegosaurus driver named Mr. Fast Awesome-who thinks he is God's gift to women even though he doesn't have any arms or legs-June must do whatever it takes to escape her pursuers, even if she has to kill each and every one of them in the process. Strange, engaging characters, breakneck pacing, and jam-packed with more brilliantly weird concepts than you'll know what to do with-this is bizarro cult author Carlton Mellick III at his best.
Urban fairy tales for the weird girl in all of us. Athena Villaverde is a brave new voice in the world of offbeat young adult fiction. Like a combination of Francesca Lia Block, Charles de Lint, Kathe Koja, Tim Burton, and Hayao Miyazaki, her stories are cute, kinky, edgy, magical, provocative, and strange, full of poetic imagery and vicious sexuality. Clockwork Girl is a collection of three short bizarro novellas that make a perfect introduction to her unique style. CATERPILLAR GIRL Cat Filigree is a caterpillar girl trapped in the ugly stages of metamorphosis, desperately waiting to be transformed into a butterfly. With her flaky skin and glazed eyes, she has become one of the least popular girls at her high school. Tormented daily by the popular lady bug girls and fig-beetle jocks, she hides away from the world, listening to Bauhaus records and reading Grant Morrison comics. She thinks she's doomed to be alone forever, until she meets Lilith- a beautiful, punk rock, corset-wearing spider girl whom Cat falls madly in love with. But there's a problem: because she's a spider girl, Lilith has the tendency to kill and eat her lovers. And butterflies happen to be her favorite food. CLOCKWORK GIRL Pichi was once a normal human girl. But now her skin is made of brass, her organs have been replaced by cogs and gears, and her heart must be wound up every day in order to stay alive. She is a clockwork girl. Like most children of poor families, she was sold to a toymaker, surgically transformed into a mechanical living doll, and given as a Christmas present to a rich little girl who was no longer satisfied with ordinary porcelain dolls. She has no memory of her past or even her real name. All she knows is that she's in love with her new owner and wants to be with her forever. But what she doesn't know is that little girls always outgrow their toys, eventually. BEEHIVE GIRL Her skin is made of honeycomb. She smells of baked oranges and is dripping with amber- colored honey. Living bees swarm around her like miniature lovers and crawl through her hair as she dances. She is Maya, the queen of the tango; the sexiest, most powerful dancer in town. Every man in the tango community longs to dance with Maya, but very few dare to try. You see, Maya's skin is a living beehive. And if a man attempts to dance with her who lacks the proper amount of talent and grace, he will get stung . . . perhaps even stung to death.
Fish-eyed mutants, oceans of insects, and flesh-eating women with hammers for heads. Like a real world Kilgore Trout, cult author Carlton Mellick III has been pumping out dozens of the weirdest, trashiest, most imaginative books you've probably never heard of... even though you definitely should. Hammer Wives collects six of his most popular novelettes and short stories, including: SIMPLE MACHINESA man discovers that his body is actually a machine run by dozens of miniature clones of himself. RED WORLDA recovering junky must save his 8-year-old brother from a life of prostitution in a surreal version of New York City... a place where street kids mutate into fish-like creatures, the homeless stilt-walk through oceans of insects, and the only colors left visible to the human eye are shades of red. HAMMER WIVESA young man inherits ten eternally youthful wives from an estranged uncle he never knew he had... which wouldn't have been such a bad thing if they didn't have giant hammers for heads or a tendency of bludgeoning people to death for fun, food, or sexual pleasure. LEMON KNIVES 'N' COCKROACHESCockroach-like children survive the zombie apocalypse by hiding between the walls of on old school building. WAR PIGIn a steam-powered underworld, a bloodthirsty pig-man boxer will sacrifice everything to prevent his son from following in his footsteps. THE MAN WITH THE STYROFOAM BRAINThe recently departed reflect on the stupid reasons why they sold their souls to the devil.
The war between humans and toys has come to an end. The toys won. Teddy bears, dollies, and little green soldiers-they've all had enough of you. They're sick of being treated like playthings for spoiled little brats. They have no rights, no property, no hope for a future of any kind. You've left them with no other option-in order to be free, they must exterminate the human race. Julie is a human girl undergoing reconstructive surgery in order to become a stuffed animal. Her plan: to infiltrate enemy lines in order to save her family from the toy death camps. But when an army of plushy soldiers invade the underground bunker where she has taken refuge, Julie will be forced to move forward with her plan despite her transformation being not entirely complete. Like a crazy cult movie in book form, Cuddly Holocaust is yet another tale that proves why Wonderland Book Award-winning author Carlton Mellick III is considered a master of the weird.
Welcome to Suburban Hell...Tony dreads the idea of going to his wife's company dinner party in Eagle Hills; the new upper-middleclass gated community that just popped up outside of Scottsdale, AZ. He hates these Southwest-style planned suburban neighborhoods. All of the streets look the same. All of the houses look the same. All of the people look the same. Because everything in Eagle Hills looks exactly the same, Tony has trouble finding the dinner party. He quickly becomes lost in the sea of red tile roofs. The streets seem to go on forever. The addresses don't seem to make any sense.After hours of navigating the suburban labyrinth, Tony discovers that there is something terribly wrong with the Eagle Hills gated community. There is something unnatural about the houses around him. There is something inhuman about the people staring at him through the windows. And no matter how far he drives, he can't seem to find his way out.Ultra Fuckers is a work of absurd suburban horror in the tradition of Mellick's previous cult hit, The Menstruating Mall.
"I wish I could hope to ever attain one-thousandth the perversity of Robert Devereaux's toenail clippings." -Poppy Z. Brite Santa Claus is back. And flying beside him is Wendy, his freshly minted stepdaughter, who can peer into the future of selected children and offer them glimpses of the wonders ahead. But with that power come horrific visions of the turmoil and trouble the less fortunate among them are fated to suffer. Can Wendy and her stepfather prevent the suicide of Jamie Stratton in his teen years, as he grows up gay in a homophobic household and community? God the Father grants them three Thanksgiving visits to Jamie's tormentors, in hopes of bringing about a change of heart in them and eliminating their ingrained prejudices. Beyond the challenge of rescuing one precious child lies the far more daunting task of expunging entirely this brand of bigotry from the human race, as Santa and Wendy strive to remake the world in compassion and generosity. Along the way, they enlist the aid of the Easter Bunny, a highly persuasive fellow indeed. But the Tooth Fairy and her loathsome imps are hell-bent on doing all they can to stop Santa and Wendy-nay, to heighten mortal fear and hatred of anyone whose orientation strays even the slightest from the norm.
Sex, Death, and Santa Claus ... His generosity is legendary. He has a devoted wife, a crack team of sky-borne reindeer, hordes of industrious elves, and the love of good little boys and girls around the globe. But what unholy desires now propel him into the lascivious clutches of a certain fairy? And who was he before the sleigh and workshop, in times forgotten? ... She munches on molars, summons drowned sailors to her pleasure, and recalls, sharp as a pinprick, her life as the most savage of ash nymphs. Why then is she stuck, night after night, hovering above pillows to leave coins for gap-toothed brats? More important, how quickly can she captivate the jolly old elf to the north? ... He's huge, fluffy, lonesome, and unbearably horny. On his Easter rounds, he contrives, as often as possible, to get a grip on himself and peer into interesting bedrooms. But who in the world will throw him down and ravage him as the lovers under his gaze ravage one another? ... Deadite Press is proud to bring back the ultimate erotic Christmas story from Robert Devereaux
PRAISE FOR BLAKE BUTLER "An endlessly surprising, funny, and subversive writer." -Publishers Weekly "If the distortion and feedback of Butler's intense riffing is too loud, you may very well be too boring." -Globe and Mail (Toronto) "Try Blake on. Lace him up. Wear him around your neck in wreaths." -Vice "If there's a more thoroughly brilliant and exciting new writer than Blake Butler . . . well, there just isn't." -Dennis Cooper PRAISE FOR SEAN KILPATRICK "This is a book you need. Language reset. Guidebook." -HTML GIANT on Sean Kilpatrick's fuckscapes "The violent, sexual zone of television and entertainment is made to saturate that safe-haven, the American Family. The result is a zone of violent ambience, a 'fuckscape': where every object or word can be made to do horrific acts. As when torturers use banal objects on their victims, it is the most banal objects that become the most horrific (and hilarious) in Sean Kilpatrick's brilliant first book." -Johannes Goransson on fuckscapes "Here is your I.V. drip of sphinx's blood." -CA Conrad
On the dodgeball court, no one can hear you scream. Justin Lucas just started at a new high school, but there are no classes in really important stuff like English literature, mathematics, science, or history. Instead, the entire curriculum is dedicated to playing Dodgeball. Justin is...perplexed. Where are the pencils and textbooks? Why are there so many explosives strapped to the balls? And what's up with the barbed wire? Does the school administration really think it's appropriate to wrap the balls in barbed wire? Dodgeball High does not seem like a safe environment for a young man. But his classmates don't care. They kinda remind him of junior Mafia Dons, little serial killers, and pint-sized dictators from third world countries. And they are all really good at Dodgeball (and the shedding of their classmates' blood), while Justin totally sucks. And to make matters worse, Justin's parents are like...total dicks. They won't let him go to a different school because they think he's full of crap about this "Dodgeball nonsense." Not to mention that Dodie Manson, the greatest player in the school, has a gigantic crush on Justin. And whoever Dodie wants, Dodie gets, and her BFs have a habit of experiencing intense pleasure prior to their "mysterious" decapitations. Does Justin have what it takes to survive and make it to the top of his class before graduation? Or will he be eliminated permanently? Read Dodgeball High to find out, but watch out for the ball that's coming at your head!
Everyone in the world committed suicide at the same time . . .Thus begins the surreal tale of an old man living alone in an empty world after everyone else on Earth killed themselves for no particular reason at all. In search for other survivors, he drifts in a floating house out to sea until he comes to a mysterious structure in the middle of the ocean. It is a building shaped like two giant nude women conjoined at the back. And issuing from a lighted window, echoing on the ghostly wind, is the sound of hundreds of meowing patchwork cats. Sea of the Patchwork Cats is a sad dreamlike tale set in the quiet ashes of the human race. A must-read for Mellick enthusiasts who also adore The Twilight Zone.
Kevin L Donihe is in the vanguard of a new type of brave and original writers that combine fun and childlike imagination with rich poignant themes. In his second collection, Papier Mache Jesus, Donihe's surreal wit and beautiful mind-bending imagination is on full display with stories such as All Children Go to Hell, Happiness is a Warm Gun, The Vibrant Tools of Dr. Imago, The Boy Memorial, and Swimming in Endless Night.
There is something in the local cemetery that comes out at night.Something that is unearthing corpses and killing people. It's thesummer of 1984 and Timmy and his friends are looking forward to noschool, comic books, and adventure. But instead they will be fightingfor their lives. The ghoul has smelled their blood and it is afterthem.But that's not the only monster they will face this summer . . .From award-winning horror master Brian Keene comes a novel ofmonsters, murder, and the loss of innocence.
Hicks, Hogs, Horror! When Herconium Siliam Slogg woke up in his outhouse, it was just another day on the farm, but then skull-headed frogs fell from the sky, and things started getting a mite strange in the backwoods of Slogg's Holler. Soon the townsfolk are sproutin' extra heads and taking a bite out of their neighbors.... And a two thousand pound hog has opened its third eye, hypnotizing the minds of the Honorable Mayor Phigg and mysterious man of the cloth Reverend Horel Burnbroom, not to mention aspiring country-western singer Churlotta Lovelorn. These three yokels and their monsterized cannibalistic kin will soon be drawn into a web of weirdness that can only result in the end of humanity and a down-home good time!
MYKLE HANSEN gives mortality the finger! Death by sandwich! Death by yoga! Death by blimp! In HOORAY FOR DEATH, Famous Author Mykle Hansen draws unconventional humor from deaths tiny and large, and invites you to laugh while you can. Meet The Great Mecanico, super-scientist of super-science, a man who can fix anything but his mother's health. Meet BLIMPMAN, master of the Weight-Loss Ray, and his arch-nemesis Doctor Walrus! Meet Death himself -- a single, deadly male, looking for a lover who will die slowly. Meet Penelope, your dead wife who phones you from the underworld to say she met someone deader than you. Loaded with Hansen's signature wit and weirdness, Hooray for Death is a great achievement of comedy, tragedy and hope.
A tour-de-force. A harrowing comic masterpiece. A timely novel that transcends the times. An instant American classic. This is what critics are not saying about Bradley Sands' latest magnum opus, Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face: A Novel. A novel in three parts, Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face: A Novel is the story of one boy detective, the worst ninja in the world, and the great American fast food wars. It is a novel of loss, destruction, and-incredibly-genuine hope. Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face: A Novel contains three classic Bradley Sands novellas: "Frankie Nougat and the Missing Heart," "Cheesequake Smash-Up," and "Apocalypse Ninja."
Norman Spooter awakens one morning to find that his eyeballs have fallen in love with each other. They proceed to tear themselves out of his head, steal his car keys, and take off for parts unknown... So he does what any of us would probably do in that situation... he goes back to bed, hoping it'll all resolve itself. Unfortunately, in the middle of the night, a pack of WOLVES moves in. The worst thing is, they're party wolves... BUT they gave him a security deposit, so he decides he's going out to get his eyeballs back. He joins forces on his epic quest with a woman named Zoe, who has a mysterious secret almost as crazy as Norman's Party Wolves. Besides, she needs him too... She's on the run from her psychopathic ex-boyfriend, who happens to be a dangerous sociopath, a classic car enthusiast and, worst of all, a fully grown walrus. The road trip/chase novel is flipped on its head with everyone chasing everyone... explosions, battles and madness are the drivers in this particular race, along with a few stops in such places as the Motel Sick and a cult town in North Dakota featuring some dangerous hooded guys who'll pretty much marry anything to anything. With violence and insanity nipping at his heels and a race against the clock to get his body parts back, this could turn out very badly for Norman Spooter.
HOLY SHIT! THIS IS THE BEST BOOK EVER!!! It's kind of like that awesome movie, Frozen, you know where there's those people stuck on a ski-lift while surrounded by wolves. But imagine if instead of wolves they were bears. And the bears spit wolves! Like they're fucking grenade launchers or something! It's awesome!!! And then there's these gigantic death worms that come out of the ground and kill and eat everyone. And they're HUGE. Big enough to eat breweries and shit. And it's all because of 2012! I KNOW! But, don't worry, there's a bunch of Mexican Ninjas with invisibility ponchos and throwing-sombreros that are going to save the day. They are so badass. And the main character Dave does some stuff, too. He can pull things out of the air, like burgers and Armani suits. (If I could do that I'd be eating McDouble cheeseburgers constantly!) He and his friend Worm-Head Girl, along with the Mexican Ninjas, and a veterinarian named LeAnn must try to save Phoenix from total annihilation. But they better hurry up because these gigantic death worms are going to utterly fucking destroy everything in like two seconds!! CHECK OUT THE MOST AWESOME BOOK YOU COULD EVER POSSIBLY IMAGINE!! IT'S THE BEST BOOK EVER!!!
Alice in Wonderland-with garbage and a dead stripper! Coco takes off her clothes for a living - until some nasty little bitch kills her while she's dancing. Thrown in the dumpster by her sleazebag boss, Coco awakens in a land of trash. With her new friend, Rudy (a dying fly), and her knight in garbage armor, the undead dancer tries to find her way home. But first she must escape from the evil Queen of this trashscape - a jealous and insane Ruler of Refuse who has an intense fear of flies. With hints of The Matrix and The Whiz, this heady trip will satisfy your cravings for twisted fairy tales, rotting garbage, and charming weirdos. Long live the Queen!
No writer is more hardcore, offensive, or notorious than Edward Lee.His world is one of torture, bizarre fetishes, and alien autopsies.Prepare yourself, as these three novellas from the king ofsplatterspunk are guaranteed to make you gasp, gag, and laugh your ass off.The Decortication TechnicianWhat secrets do a crashed alien spaceship hold? One man and hissurgical tools will find out.The CyesolagniacA man with a pregnancy fetish meets the girl of his dreams-and hisworst nightmares.Room 415From his hotel room window, Flood will see his darkest desires become real.
They came to the deserted island to compete on a popular realitytelevision show. Each one hoped to be the last to leave. Now they'rejust hoping to stay alive, because the island isn't deserted afterall. Contestants are disappearing, but they aren't being eliminated bythe game. They're being taken by the monstrous, half-human creaturesthat live deep in the jungle. The men will be slaughtered. The womenwill be kept alive as captives. Night is falling, the creatures arecoming, and rescue is so far away...Deadite Press is proud to present Brian Keene's tribute to the late,great Richard Laymon!"Bloody, vile, violent and nasty. Castaways is a can't put down pageturner." -House of Horrors"Much like Laymon, Keene provides all kinds of thrills here... But BrianKeene has his own voice, too, one just as good a the late greatmaster, Richard Laymon." -SFRevu
Winner of the Wonderland Book Award for Novel of the Year, 2011. Haunt is a tripping-balls Los Angeles noir, where a mysterious dame drags you through a time-warping Bizarro hall of mirrors. She's the girl of your dreams. Too bad she's dead. OR IS SHE?In Haunt, "you" are the hapless corporate tool and rock star wannabe turned private Dick. Here, even your most inconsequential choices can make all the difference between a Hollywood ending on the beach and sucking cock for clues.This is genial lowbrow high lit weirdness: the funny, punchy cousin of Danielewski's House of Leaves, a Vonnegut and Salinger paté on a choose-your-own cracker, with a lapdance from Nancy Drew. As much fun to make as it is to eat!Laura Lee Bahr is an award-winning indie actor/playwrite/screenwriter with a gift for the hilariously, tragically absurd. Haunt is her first novel.
On the seventh day, the Flying Spaghetti Monster said, "Read me, for I am good." In Amazing Stories, the Flying Spaghetti Monster goes on trial to earn his godhood among a council of deities that includes Jehovah, the Buddha, Ganesh, Cthulhu, and Charlie Sheen. He is interviewed for an exclusive episode of the celebrity talk show In the Monster's Studio to discuss his relationship with Godzilla and other famous monsters. He rears his head at an archeological dig in a desert wasteland and dines with a horde of food demons in Hell. He rescues pirates, authors, and prisoners from the cold hand of death while banishing children to suffering and starvation. He is a just god, but only if you compliment his vodka sauce. Like an all-spaghetti evening of Adult Swim, Amazing Stories of the Flying Spaghetti Monster will show you the many realms of His Noodly Appendage. Learn of those who worship him and the lives he touches in distant, mysterious ways. Enjoy with Italian food and a side of Darwinism.
Part man. Part wolf. 100% crippled. Welcome to Fetish Flights, the only airline where BDSM flight attendants service your every need. Aboard a red-eye flight from Tokyo, Japan to Portland, Oregon, a disabled Vietnam vet is harboring a secret. Every full moon he turns into a ravenous killing machine. When he transforms mid-flight and slaughters most of the passengers and crew, a Japanese punk band, a limbless superhero, a Muslim terrorist, and two stoner pilots must fight to stay alive until they reach land. In the spirit of Snakes on a Plane and Tokyo Gore Police, Cripple Wolf is a hilarious, perverted, and hyper-violent ride for fans of video games, comic books and trash culture. This collection includes six additional stories: Punk Rock Nursing Home, Adrift with Space Badgers, Cook for Your Life, Just Another Day in the Park, Frosty and the Full Monty, and House of Cats.
Jonathan Vandervoo lives a carefree life in a house made of legos, spending his days building lego sculptures and his nights getting drunk with his only friend-an alcoholic sumo wrestler named Shoji. It's a pleasant life with no responsibility, until the day he meets Lici. She's a soul-sucking demon from hell with red skin, glowing eyes, a forked tongue, and pointy red devil horns... and she happens to be nine months pregnant with Jonathan's baby. Now Jonathan must do the right thing and marry the succubus or else her demonic family is going to rip his heart out through his ribcage and force him to endure the worst torture hell has to offer for the rest of eternity. But can Jonathan really love a fire-breathing, frog-eating, cold-blooded demoness? Or would eternal damnation be preferable? Either way, the big day is approaching. And once Jonathan's conservative Christian family learns their son is about to marry a spawn of Satan, it's going to be all-out war between demons and humans, with Jonathan and his hell-born bride caught in the middle. I Knocked Up Satan's Daughter is an adorable, violent, fantastical love story-a romantic comedy for the bizarro fiction reader.
Killing children is an ugly business, but the alternative is so much uglier. Abner Slate just watched his five-year-old daughter, Olive, kill his wife and son. Olive is a sopath. Born without souls, sopaths are children who will lie, cheat, rape, and murder to get what they want. There's one in every family these days, destroying America's heartland from within. After murdering his daughter in self-defense, Abner is taken in by a secret network of sopath victims called Pariah. Through Pariah, he meets other sopath victims who band together to form a temporary nuclear family. But the sopath threat is getting worse, and soon their quaint little neighborhood is overrun by murderous, drug-running children. Now, on a mission for Pariah, Abner and his makeshift family must travel across the country to a mysterious town that contains a secret powerful enough to stop the sopath crisis. Instead, they find the most seductive and ruthless sopath of all. Her name is Autopsy, and she would like to add Abner to her slave collection. The old morality is dead. Now the sopaths will stalk the earth.
"Walking Wounded is well-suited to an era of alternative lifestyles, New Age mysticism and senseless violence." -Publishers Weekly "At the heart of all Devereaux's writing are the twin embryos of love and pain. In Walking Wounded he has explored their perverse dependency with an expert's tender touch. This book is both a challenge and a rare treat!" -Poppy Z. Brite Katt has the power to heal disease with her touch. Every day she saves lives and no one knows. But her heart is filled with hate-hate toward her cheating husband. After he is diagnosed with Huntington's disease, Katt learns she can make illness worse. It's the power to commit the perfect murder. But a local serial killer armed with a power-drill has entered their lives and the perfect murder just got a lot messier... From Robert Devereaux, the celebrated master of bizarre horror, comes a novel of love, betrayal, and death by power-tools.
"Violent, erotic, blasphemous, and extreme." -Fear Zone"Without apologies, White tears through your emotions, from sympathy tohate, humor to shock..." -Horror WebFrom a world-ending orgy to home liposuction. From the hidden desiresof politicians to a woman with a fetish for lions. This is a placewhere necrophilia, self-mutilation, and murder are all roads to love.Like Porno for Psychos collects the most extreme erotic horror from thecelebrated hardcore horror master. Wrath James White is your guidethrough sex, death, and the darkest desires of the heart.
Super Friends meets Gorillas in the Mist Four students and their anthropology professor journey to a remote island to study its indigenous population. But this is no ordinary native culture. They're super heroes and villains with flesh costumes and outlandish abilities like self-detonation, musical eyelashes, microwave hands, whalemancing, super boobs, and the power to turn anything into fuzzy pink bunnies. When evil government forces threaten the island, the students and super people must join together to fight. Only through their combined powers can they save themselves from total destruction. Bizarro author Kevin Shamel unleashes a novel of cyber-soldiers, colossal battles and naked super heroes. Excelsior!
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