The Inscrutable Doctor Baer and the Case of the Two-Faced Statue

The Inscrutable Dr. Baer, at your service!
While he's much too busy to embark on any adventures himself, Dr. Baer is here to help with yours. Are you burdened with an unwanted magical object? Gorgon's head? Monkey's paw? Flaming sword?! Sell it to Dr. Baer; he'll tame its spirit, carefully catalog its origin, and keep it safe and orderly within the walls of the spookiest house you're ever likely to find.
But when novice explorers Taft the Tortoise and Pickles the Pig accidentally enable the theft of Baer's most powerful artifact by the nefarious sorcerer Gallus Lugubrious, the good doctor is forced out of his house to reclaim it. The only problem is, for everything he knows about magic, he knows nothing about adventuring, and he'll have to figure this one out as he goes, far from the comforting safety of home.
In over his head, along with his equally inexperienced new allies, Dr. Baer sets out on a dangerous quest through a world of monsters and magic to set things right . . . and to find his next chapter.