The Quest for Cowmelot

I was just a normal cow until a fae curse changed the course of my life...

After incurring the wrath of the fairy HOA, my life was changed forever. On my first outing to a nearby town with my owner, I found myself tied up to a strange metal stick. Without a thought, I wrapped my big ole cow tongue around it and tried to get myself loose. Instead of finding freedom, I ended up pulling a legendary sword from a stone. The moment it touched my cow lips, I could speak and think like a hooman.

Now everyone has abandoned me, telling me I've been infected by something called 'Destiny'. Not only that, the evil owner of Hamazon, Geoff Geezos, is hot on my tail, trying to get me to join his board of directors. But the moment I tell him no he swears and oath to take me down. With the help of my friends (a non-magic wizard, a not-a-centaur, and a barbarian bunny girl) I have to trek across the world in search of Cowmelot to take my place as the one and true king before evil can take my place.

I hate all of this.

WARNING: You are about to embark on a ridiculous journey full of swears, innuendo, blatant almost copyright infringement, and nonsensical cow musings. This book is one of the most ridiculous things ever written and you'll probably laugh too hard to actually read. So good luck and may the odds be kinda in your favor.