God Why won't you just let me die?

As young boy of eight years old raised in an abusive home where there was no love naturally, I was in search of something else. I had heard in church how God was all about love and that He could help me if I would be saved. Sounded good to me! Therefore, I came to God, SO I THOUGHT, I had the wrong idea of God and how He was going to work in my life. As time went on things seemed to start getting worse instead of better there was more abuse and I started spending time in the street instead of home. At the age of fifteen, I was an alcoholic and a chain smoker I had already tried to commit suicide once by this time and by the time I was seventeen I was a full-fledged junkie. I hated God for abandoning me, I thought to myself if this is how it is with God then I am better off without Him, and lived my life accordingly. Later on in my life, I would become a member of a satanic occult and again try to commit suicide. Constantly trying to end my life because I felt I was no good to myself, anyone else and especially God but it just seemed like the more I tried the less I would succeed. God kept interfering, He just would not let me die, I did not know why, and I asked Him God why won't you just let me die? Moreover, that question would change my life forever. I thought it was because He was trying to get back at me but on the contrary, He was going to use me to help those like me. There are those who think that their life is just too far-gone and that they are just "too bad" to be used by God. This simply is not true no matter how young, old, or bad you think you are it is never too late for God. I hope to show you this through this testimony that there is still hope and that it is not about whom we are but who Jesus is. It is not about what we have done but it is about what Jesus has done. Honestly, we will never be good enough but because what Jesus has done, we have been made good enough through Him. Nevertheless, like me as a young person, there are those who have the wrong idea of God and His grace because of lack of knowledge and going off other peoples' relationships with God. It is not until we have a true understanding of God and the character of God and actually start applying His principles and precepts does it start to make a difference in our lives.