Ninjas and Talking Trees

George Francis is a normal accountant in Fort Wayne, Indiana, who has it all: a disciplined routine, a great job, and a hot girlfriend named Destiny. Well, there are his uber-nerd college buddies, but they're mostly harmless...until meeting his Destiny. She dumps George immediately. They invite a heartbroken George to join them at a renaissance faire to make it up to him. But after entering a port-a-potty to soothe his aching stomach, George is transported to the world of Loconia and chased by ninjas. Soon George meets Sensei, a Talking Tree who was once a samurai. He insists George is the "Hero of Legend," and it's his new destiny to liberate Loconia from the eccentric tyrant Marcus the Morally-Dubious in order to return home. George must survive Sensei's grueling training (which includes dueling a samurai banzai tree) and then rescue Princess Pansy/Roze, who's been cursed with a split personality-one good, one evil-that switches whenever someone snaps his fingers. To complicate matters, the good one is in love with George and the evil one plans to marry Marcus. But George isn't alone. He recruits Loconia's bravest and finest to battle Marcus' Legions of Terror: an unknowingly hapless pretty boy; an inarticulate Barbarian carrying a well-spoken ax; and a redneck wizard whose spells work better when he's drunk. Oh snap! Will George's sanity survive? Will he become the Hero of Legend? Will you stop reading this and get the book to find out? (Just don't skip to the end, you cheater!)